Monday, 22 December 2008

Tora Tora Tora!!



Firstly..Let me vent
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

FINALLY FINALLY after a lot of ‘I ll send your showrooms address
to the LET’s violence wing’ threats they chickened out and promised
to deliver the monster.

We hardly slept the night before, the scene at home was like I was
getting married..Reached the stock yard which was in Vasai and a
good 2 hours away from our roof.

And there she was..wrapped in ribbons and smiling wide waiting to
unleash. Jumped inside and wanted to get on the road asap, but
mom was like ‘pooja karvi joiye pela’.Every second seemed like
less of road time..I pushed and pulled her inside to get it done
with asap.

On the road,I could hardly wait for the 2000 rpm..I had waited for
this day since god knows when and now it is finally here. I had such
a huge smile on my face that my dad was of the opinion I ll be
arrested for mental retardness:P

And there comes 2000 rpm..turbo spooled ready for initiation
Mayday..Mayday..!!

Holding on to whatever she could to stay in one place, a gear
down and again 2000, again a twister.
Mom, why so serious ? WHHY SOOO SERIOUS ? Lets put a
smile on that face!! With a scared look she yelled “ You and
your turbo can rotate after I m gone”

Mount Mary..next stop..again..mommy darlings wishy wishy..!!
But the best part about going to Mount Mary is you have to pass
through reclamation.
Notice a Verna Crdi tailgating our Swift at recli

Whiplash One…Bogie Spotted..!!

I am staring at one right now and its gonna be smoked to kingdom
come!!

You are clear to engage…


2000…


Whipash one just went super sonic.

Turn at recli..Sticks to mother earth like a vacuum cleaner..
holds her guns, the roar from the the turbo..the exhaust note..
the adreline..momentum...blur vision…and a smoked verna :P

120,140.160..170.........Bogie has been handled!!

In my less powerful days I would show the left indicator, let it pass
and say ‘ Respect’ because that’s a ruddy powerful beast, but now
the respected just lost its respect.

This is like gold standard of ass kicking.
Some more retarded teeth \m/

The entire scene was right out of my dream, I ve gone through
this drill a million times mentally and now the real thing is exact
to the ‘T’. Rest pray for dear life at Mount Mary and I pray for
the turbos health. How everyones wants in life are different..:P

I am not a fan of big things making it big, they are meant to,
Small things with big potential is something I would go for,
hence we ve decided to name her ‘BIG deal’

BIG deal Rohan Lakhlani.!!! ;).

Aninya --> meraswiftmeraswiftmeraswiftmeraswiftmeraswift :P
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We will we will rock you...we gonna rock we gonna rock you baby..we will we will rock you YEAH..waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa – Five

Thursday, 27 November 2008

Terror Error

Some super religious retards like always have done what they are best at...'DHAI DHAI'!!
They have like a Seagate 7200 rpm 500 GB Hard disk and remember
things way beyond normal human competence.
‘Hamare Baccho ko maara’, ‘Biwiyo ko maara’ (notice the plural)..uska kya?
Reporter kept quite, instead of being like
‘Tune itne bomb daala’, ‘Tumne hamari ek hi ek biwi ko maara’..uska kya?
Reporter: Tum kitne log ho ander ?
Terrorists: Aing..Woh hum tumhe kyooo bataae ?
Smart Smart..u should not tell to longen your live by some minutes

Reporter: Tum inte logo ki ladai lad rahe ho atleast itna toh batao
kitne aaadmi ho tum ?
Sounds like Gabbar but whatever he wants his aadmis..
Terrorits: Hum 7 aadmi hai!
WHAT ? HE FELL FOR THIS ONE ?He is like the worst terrorist I have
ever heard of..yeah heard of..i cant see them..i don’t work at band camp.

And the best part, one in case of the reporter and ‘N’ in case of the
terrorists would be sitting at home and clapping
‘Mera saaiya tv pe..mera saaiya tv pe’

All big cock talks, Since he was ‘dying’ to make a difference why
not abolish the hindu muslim enemity in the first place rather
than holding innocent civilians hostage?
And were his demands or what?
‘Hamare saare mujahadin bhai ko pura india se chod do, Kashmir pe
se army ko hatva do!!
Even the army men and police guys must be rolling on the floor
laughing at this.
Yes yes, America pe hamlva karva do, America capture karva do,
Petrol free karva do ,Al- Qaeda ko leadership dilva do?
I guess he got his tongue serviced before going on this ‘I want this and I want that’ spree

Seriously guys get some training done..some real serious training
done before even thinking about being a terrorist and before
u are shot please please mention the ‘institute’ where u got this
'gyaan' from..further candidates will avoid this place for all times.

U kill people..U ll get shot.. Aint no ‘Allah’ coming with a heli to bail your asses.
Should have chilled out and watched Tv at home.

May your ‘fanatic’ souls rest in ‘PIECES’..and lots of them..

Happy ‘dhai dhai’...Will be your last..guran fuckin teed..!!

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Heroes never die.... They just reload - Rambo 4

Monday, 24 November 2008

Birthday Bumps!!

Firstly, WHO WAS THE ONE THROWING ATTITUDE??
Secondly: 8 on 2 is not a fair fight..Not my fault:P
Thirdly: You get the birthday gift you asked for!!!
Finally: D5 what ? come again..!! ha ha !!

Thank you for all the birthday treats u have thrown and will throw.
Eagerly wait for 25th November every year in anticipation of
your bashes.
Your Truly,
Sarcasm.

For the unknows..Its Abhilasha’s birthday today and she is throwing a party at Chacha’s Tea Stall, Cheddanagar. Everyone is invited, dress code being chapplis ,bermudas and nadas.
Gifts Compulsory..Spread the word.

May we rock the swift’s, zen’s ,roads, metallica and floyds like always with stealth and speed...
Happy Birthday Abybabyattitude..

Tuesday, 4 November 2008

Dreams @ 2000 rpm

Get ready boy..we are going shopping!!
Left, right..straight..U turn..!!!
Err..!!Here…Why ?
U ll know why..!!

Lady: oh we spoke over the phone..!!I ll be done.
Me: DAD,DONE WHAT ? Are we buying this showroom ?
Dad: White babe, ready to be unleashed in 20 days..!!wow!!
Me: U don’t get porn here..!!!
Dad: This will satisfy all your hormones..believe you me..!!


There are some things in life u dream about, U imagine yourself in the dream, U are the star, U have a star and when it is all coming true u just cant believe the fact that it is. Its like ‘ oh shit, for real..and how ? Is this a dream ? Pinch, Punch, No Poof. ITS NOT A DREAM.

A White Swift DDIS, Reclamation. Mash the Throttle..Turbo Spools at 2000 rpm and you are stuck to the seat, The world around appears blur, Speedo climbs like there is no tomorrow, The turn approaches, Tyres howl and cry..U want more..Inch the right foot to the floor,Lunges forward with Vengence, ..Overdrive..Turbo again.. hang on for dear life..Pure bliss..Its not how far u can push her..Its about how far u can push yourself to push her.
The road ends with a U turn..
U want more..U will always want more..Till there is life in you, This cycle will keep repeating.
U will wake up in the middle of the night just to check if this babe is actually for real, U'll admire her for hours.
If u have to leave her alone for sometime..u ll actually call home and check if she is fine or no.

There is more to life than girlfriends, coffee shops and rooftops and this is reason enough for me to wake up everyday with a smile. The rain and my swift..thats all i ll ever need.
Next time u find me singing ‘ let me see you get wild tonight’ and don’t find any reference to context, U know what to look out for !!!

Smiling Wide,Bleaming White,
Come She will,What a Sight,
Cross the Days, Wait the Hours,
Dreams coming true, Out of the blue,


Before it was an endless wait and now 20 days seem like eternity.

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Come my lady, come come my lady, you're my butterfly..Sugar baby - Crazy Town

Wednesday, 15 October 2008

Phone Call Resurrected ( Spoof )

Original @ Click Here

25th September,2005
1:30 PM.
Snoring.
CellPhone rings. Main hoon kaun..main hoon don..lamba don..
patla don..don don don

I somehow try and grab the phone, but without glasses I end
up picking the lappy ;)

Frantically search the phone,

Pappu Pager calling,

A: I ll reconfirm with glasses.

Private Number calling.

A: itna hi privacy chahiye toh call kahe kiyo?
X: Heylo is this Abhilasha?
A: Oriflame order after 2 pm, till then office Is closed.
X: Is this Abhilasha Dafria ?
A: This is Tambi and I m busy ..TADAK..!!

Darn these beauty conscious morons, its 1:30 PM
and they are worried about beauty :|

1:40 PM
Phone rings again.
Pappu Pager calling:
A: Cuts the call,
Pappu Pager Calling:
A: *Frustrated*, One more call and I ll fuck your happiness
on my blog.
X: *Rolls on the floor laughing and hangs up*

1:45 PM
Main hoon kaun, main hoon gone, watching porn..
DON DON DON!!

A: Bako
X: Mane Bolneka Mauka toh diyo zara.
A: Mane Pehle bataiyo Kaun hai tuu ?
X: Shubh Chintak.
A: Please pray kariyo I become an even bigger wannabe
in some years.TADAK.

Again

A: Face wash: 350, Shampoo: 100, Lip gloss: 200, Mascara: 400
bla bla fuckin bla
X: Am I talking to Abhilasha ?
A: I am Abhilasha’s split personality
X: You are half anyway, and in that also split?like 1/2 of 1/2??1/4??
A: Zonked eh...uh...e...sff..gsdjfd......WHATTTTTTT?!??
X: 1/2 of 1/2 is 1/4... dont worry dont cry....check it on
the calculator
A: *checks on calci*..Who are you ??
X: I am a spy from IIM Chembur.
A: Hair Colour for 350, Black lipstick for 200, with this people
wont recognize you.
X: Your ex best friend is a porn star.
A: Goody goody, she ll need make up too..i ll call her asap.TADAK.

Never after this day I received his call, I don’t know who he was,
I still don’t. In the above conversation u can see he has only tried
to help me expand my business, I eagerly waited for his call, but
I guess none of my other friends turn out to be porn stars*sigh*

Today when I turn back the pages of my diary to 25th September
2005, my heart skips a beat. She was buying make up from other
people all this while while i was searching for business all over
chembur. I cant even contemplate what would have happened
to me if he had not called, I would have never got the opportunity
to confront her and make her buy all the make up from me.

He saved me ,he saved my business, I dint even get a chance to
thank him, give him a lipstick for free. That one phonecall bobbed
up enough curiosity in me to fill the forms for IIM chembur.
Imagine IIM Chembur. That one phonecall stopped me from
falling into a quicksand of complicated numbers, adding
subtracting and no return.That one phonecall taught me that
one fraction when multiplied with itself reduces its value....
that fractions CAN be multiplied.

That one phone call changed things forever and i dont know
whether or not the calculator was used.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Man, that was like level 12 of Doom – Wild Hogs.

Tuesday, 2 September 2008

Newton, God and ME!!!

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction was
a law Newton came up with, and boy o boy I am lovin it!!!

You hit the tyre on a curb it blows, no two ways about it .
You tell your dad you smoke and instantly a pack of
ciggis.... j/k j/k !!:P

Ahem ahem now the human touch.
U play games, you ‘try’ and spoil someone’s life, u act like a
bitch possessed, and that’s when my friends Newton and
God step in.

Newton makes sure the equal and opposite thingy comes
true and GOD makes sure the opposite thingy is multiplied
by 10, they join forces, they scheme, implement *GRIN*

Next day I see GOD and this is how it goes!!

G: Wassa fellaw..!! happy ?
R: Yo man..Bombs away eh !!!
G: Supreme me , don’t worry, you have unlimited wishes
R: Jeez thanks!! Anything in return ?
G: Ye one, Lets headbang together..MUSIC..ACTION..!!!

Bang bang goes the broken glass man,
Kill all the fags that don't agree!
Trial by fire, setting fire
It's not a way that's meant for me
Just cause, just cause, because we're outlaws yeah!

Newton appears out of nowhere and all 3 headbang!!

I Beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies,
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives,
This is our lives....
On Holiday!

People..!!Can i get another Amen ??!!

Newton and God in Chorus: RELOADING!!!!!
\m/ \m/
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I hate to be the materialistic weasel of the group, but do I get hazard pay
for this? - Armageddon

Friday, 4 July 2008

Shift !!! Shift!! Shift!!

I would like a test drive please.
Suer sir,I ll send a representative over,have a sheat
Innervoice: Sheat??Shit??Seat?? Bloody mallus
“Ogay sir, Shald we go?”
Innervoice: O gay? :O No way. If I din love this car so much, I would SRED your tongue to pieces.
This car has climate control, ayer bags,alloyds, x’s , y’s and z’s
Sir shift…supposedly pointing towards some building at cheddanagar
Me: no dude aint plannint to shift there
He: ‘SHIFT’
Me: clutch,upshift,clutch,downshift ..happy?
He: ‘SHIFT SHIFT SHIFT’
Me: Dude u need to reboot,wheres your restart button?
He: SHIFT SHIFT
Me: okay okay now calm down, u love this car too but this is my test drive and I aint shiftin!!!:
He: SHIFT !!!!!!!!!!!

Me: ya ya u convinced me,I ll shift.Get over here
He: SHIFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
Me: &%#@!@$%$

At the showroom
"how did u like the shift ? we saw so many shifts on theh way too, Shells in gud numbers u she”
Oh mi god.I should have known
Ile kome backe to you with my dead ogai.
With a grin as if he received a new admission in mallu land
“ogai sir ogai sir’

Tading: The empire can strike back :):)

Thursday, 15 May 2008

Whip the zip!!!

Ironing my shirt, yayayaaya I m going to a pub after long,
“Almost done,get down”
“okay I ll be there in 5 min”
On with my shirt and jeans i start wearin my shoes.
Mom knows, I many a times forget to zip.
Are your zips up or should I call u ‘ever ready’?
Shucks,I forgot again.
I try to up it,@$%% the clip is stuck in the seam of the zip
Scissor,hammer and 25 min later up she goes.
I look at my cell.25 missed calls,Darn I m dead.
Go below her building, she comes running towards the car.
Oh no,this is not the I missed u kinda run. Gets inside.
U fucking moron, did u pause your clock for this long?
‘Sorry ,zip got stuck,had a hard time upping it’
ROHAN u suck, could u not find a better excuse or jeans with better zips?
These are my fav jeans, and the zip din know u were waiting!!!
Thank god for music systems,I can hardly hear her.yayayaya
Some of it gets filtered though ,limpbizkit feat priyanka
‘I know why u want to hate me, Once more u glu glu
I know why u want to hate me, I m totally pissed glu glu
Coz hate is all the world,that’s ever seen lately, I ll leave the next time glu glu
She gives up and limbizkit takes over

Sports bar, cheers and down some beers.
Listen, I got to pee..!!i ll be back.
I forget all about the zipper and once I m done,I try to up it
DAMN,it just wont go.I try everythin but minus any tools it wont budge
I remove my tucked in shirt,
Short shirt!!!!Today is just not my day :
Everyone entering the loo is laughing,some realize the problem and
some misjudge.
This is embarrassing,one guy comes forward to help.
Some more misjudgments later,finally it ups.
I go,Look at her, she is as ready as a kalashnikova
Zip got stuck,sorry.
I m leaving, u cant find better excuses and u managed to ruin my day.
Glu glu glu glu glu glu glu..baam vaam,boom
Dj sucks,dj sucks…I can hear all of her.
We leave after sometime, I want to pee pee again but dare I mention
anything below the belt.
Pin drop violence later,I drop her, hear some jazz on how to treat
a girl, I so wanted to apologise but pee pee,how could I,how can I ,I m human!!
Mom: hope u had fun?
For the want of a nail, a horseshow was lost,
For the want of a horse, a message was lost
For the want of an undelivered message,the WAR was lost.
Mom,please buy me new jeans asap.

Thursday, 1 May 2008

Network Problem!!!

Auntyji: Shweta munna,kidhar hoo aap??
Shoo: mummy ghar ke peeche hi hoon,aati hoon in sometime
Auntyji: I m standing down and comin towards ghar ke peeche.
Shoo: *tears* hohan..gaddi bhagao..!!mummy peeche comin.
Auntyji: me peeche khadi hoon where art thou?
Shoo: mom ..change of location, doggy ran after me so me in thoda galli chod ke
Auntyji: me comin there too wait.
Shoo: HOHAN..!!gaddi udaoooo…!!!
Based on this true story out comes an advertisement of trump/dolphin.
Hamara connection lijiye and gharelu problems se bachiye.Network problem anytime all the time.Ting ting tading..!!

Friday, 25 April 2008

Shoo Shweta teta checha Raghavan..!!


Good things come in small packagesAnd the best ones come with shweta raghavan written on it!!Co incidence and internet when both came together,we became friends and in no time best friends:)

The transition period was a journey which transformed rohan into hohan and shweta into teta!!
In good times I remember her and in bad ones there are no other options :P
She gives me a reality check whenever i need one.THANKS FOR THAT :D

Online or phoneline,its always a laughter riot.My entire house is with ear plugs on when I m talking to her.
In the words of my mom ‘yaad hoi toh ghar maa bijaa loko pan raiye che’ :D:D
Whenever the going gets tough,orkut is accessed, some senseless stuff exchanged and tough is bajaoed with an aavjo..!!
All in all this is one friend who I cannot live without and is very special to me.
As days pass I m sure the fun factor will keep getting better and better!!
People come and people go,but this is one girl who I will always want to stay.

Tan tana tan tan tan taara..tere liye pura blog likh daala..!!!;)

PS: I still know why your stomach aces!!!LOL

Wednesday, 23 April 2008

The Next Episode!!!

Money minded and me..nope..!!
I don’t want more money,I want enough money!!.
When my son grows up and asks for a cayenne he should not think I m not the man.!!
When my wife asks for a dress I should not be in distress..!!

All this was planned by my dad too,but out came a son who ended up asking for a swift!!
A wife who was happy with a dinner and a movie.

But hey dad,we gonna rock it till the wheels fall off..!!
Hold up eh..!!Take a seat!!!Hope you ready for the next episode.!!
Heeeeyyyyy..!!!u ll need weed everyday..!!!

Ps: This warning is issued in public interest for people concerned.

Sunday, 20 April 2008

Good guy vs tailpipe emissions

At king circle bus stop.

She: Are u single
Me: Do u own a merc?
She: Yes i do
Me: I am not talking about what u call a merc.
She: yeah real merc it is.
Me: bus stop?? Let me guess, mika hakkinen has taken it for a drive?
She: I believe in not contributing to the noise pollution, air pollution, congestion, deteroration of mother earth @%!@!%#%@!$T^
Me: I believe in pressure horns, freeflows, loud mufflers, redline launches, Burnouts, rich air/fuel mixtures, V12s, 5 kmpl @!2%@!
She: opposites attract?
Me: for a lady ownin a merc I ll change my polarity.Lets get married:D
She: What if I say I own a Honda city?
Me: Lets go around
She: Swift?
Me: lets be friends
She:Alto?
Me:Fuck off.I m commited.

Moral of the story: I am downright cheap,and she owns an alto :P:P

Friday, 18 April 2008

War of the Worlds





Dad is yellin from the bathroom “Bank closes at 2 o clock” Darn its 1:50.

Grab the car keys,run down and witness a site which makes me sing the angry version of ‘Who let the dogs out’ !#%^$# %@#@$
That son of a bitch (never knew profanity could get this meaningful) is sleepin on the hood of my car!!!

Get a stick and push him down amid some resistance from the doggy world.
Who would like being thrown out of their bed anyway?.Get on with my work

Starin at the full moon outside,cool breeze,one look down and I see half a hood.
WHAT AGAIN!!!!!

Now this is turning out to be a game of cat and mouse.

Wake up the next morning,quietly proceed towards the car with the mouse sleeping.
As I near him the hunter gets hunted.

Since when did dogs think about having watch dogs??

Soldier 2 arrives all guns about to attack.I freeze.2 on 1 is not a fair game.

Soldier 1 gets up and is ready,steady..just has to hear a PO..!!

I quietly back off. The mutts have their heads high and get back on my hood. !@#$$%#
The question is how can a Nepal win over an India?

To answer this question China comes to the rescue.Marksman2004 :D

Single shot ,480 feet per second,plastic pellets.

Next morning I look down and the scenario hasn’t changed, but I have an evilish tinge in my eye.

Police officer style I shout.UNFREEZE,Move your body.

Out comes the watch dog,I say ‘that means u too retard’

He looks at the gun with a ??? look.One more step and the ??? will be ??? no more

Seems like he in a lot of girly company these days,his ??? gets the better of him

BOOM,BOOM.Both of them singin the nasal himesh way with their butts visible and slowly turning into dots.

Victory!!!HURRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Get back home with a sense of my meaningful existence ,chest upfront.

Next morning,with a sense of pride I stand in the balcony,look down to see my captured hood.

WTF

Its no more captured,its reinstated by enemy forces.
Marksman 2004,himesh,small dot,Marksman 2004,himesh,small dot…..raised to 20

Some days later,neighbour calls “ Dog is shitting near my car please fire some rounds”

Realising that situation could get out of hand and himesh could start shitting on my territory I decide to abandon shitt..!!ship I mean.!!

If u cant win them, get them on your side and that is exactly what I do

Get a small blanket,park it on the hood.

I m happy,my hood is happy,enemy is happy.

As for the watchdog,lets just say he was fired..!!!

Peace is restored in paradise,Everytime I try to catch the cool breeze I make it a point to look down and praise myself.Maybe I should have been a politician but such is life dearies.:)