Saturday, 19 January 2013

And it ends

This blog has finished its product life cycle. Turning back the pages of it, I realised how childish I was. I have had brilliant cars, brilliant human beings come and go in my life and looking at my blog all I have mostly written is negative nonsense about what transpired rather than the good fun I had with them. Final result à ended up deleting half my blog after I was done reading :D. My dad had once told me ‘If you look at a minus sign, you can still add a straight line to it and make it a plus’. This blog ends because I  feel I have grown up, and grown out of this ‘aisa kyu kiya, waisa kyu kiya’ nonsense.. Life has moved on and matured way beyond these mundane past abnormalities. Imagine meeting a friend whom you had fought with 10 years ago and stopped talking. I am sure my brain would recollect only the brilliant times at that moment and to bid all that viprit vinashkari vichar a final namaskar, this blog needs to end, the hanging of kasab type of closure :P =)) j/k 

But well, the new one will have blabbers only filled with fun, travelogues, politics and hordes of nonsense.

Sunday, 25 December 2011

Ticket To Cruze !

Its 4:00 pm, Its been a straight 20 hours that I haven't slept. 1st semester came to an end day before yesterday.There is one more sem and a dissertation to go before the MBA in Engineering Management is finito. I ve finished all my course works, heck I am ahead of time but still I can’t get sleep. I want to start working on the 2nd Sem right away, this very moment. Just want to get everything over and done with like click click click. This has got everything to do with what happened in Mumbai during the May to October vacation. 

I told my dad that I will buy ourselves the new Swift that was recently launched. I already have got a job in Mahindra for which I took the interview during vacations. I knew I could pull the new Swift off on my own. Imagine gifting your parents a new car from your own money. EPIC feeling. We booked the new Swift Diesel even though we own a Swift diesel right now. It would take one year arounds for it to get delivered as half of India had booked it, worked for me as I was getting back in August and would have enough time till september october to collect the money.  Dad did not agree on buying one more Swift and just to prove his point he took me to one of the Chevrolet showrooms which was near the Mumbai - Pune expressway. He asked me to wait out and in a minute he came out with a sales man and keys for an Automatic Chevrolet Cruze, white shining, we went for a test drive.

The sales man kept blabbing about the features, Dad told him to shut up as all we cared about was ‘how fast it goes’. On the expressway dad asked me to jam the accelerator down and not let it go till we have maxed the speedometer out. My man had lost it was the thought that ran in my head. As soon the pedal touched the metal, the autobox shifted from 6th to 3rd at 80kmph and it was like a meteorite had stuck the rear of the car. The turbo kick was so ferocious it could break someone's neck if not careful. 140 came even before I caught a breath, as the gears shifted at lightning speed the turbo released a loud psssssssssttttt. It was the most awesome tune I had EVER ever heard. 180 came and went like it was a minor milestone. At 200 the lines on the expressway started going in the opposite direction. I remembered this sight, had seen it once when the Swift had touched 195 on the expressway for a nano second and then went back to her 185 kmph top speed immediately.

The vision started getting narrower and life started to feel a whole lot more beautiful. She was still accelerating and finally maxed out at 233 kmph. At these speeds the other cars on the expressway looked like they were standing still although even they were going upward of 150. The feeling of being unbeatable set it. Those 20 seconds at 233 kmph reruns 100 times in my head everyday and I still don't get bored.

Took a U turn and went back to the showroom. As soon as we got out, Dad smiled ‘Still want the new Swift’ ? My legs and hands were shaking from the adrelinine rush they had been through. Of course I dint want the new Swift anymore, but I could not afford 18 lakhs by next year too. The 185 kmph of the Swift did not seem exciting any more. Rest of the vacation I would let it touch 185 with one hand on the steering and the other hand rested on the window and planted to my head like it was a boring everyday ritual. I graduated from 131kmph of the 800 to the 155 of the Zen and now roll at 185 kmph of the Swift. Life HAD TO HAD move on to higher altitudes. Living only had a meaning if we knew what we were living for and speed and cars is what I was working hard for. I wanted a high paying job just so that I could keep on buying faster cars year over year. The meaning of being alive had finally been found. 

We planned to buy the cruze by 2013 end and that was the time I had to collect those 18 lakhs, it seemed like a huge target to be set when I still had an MBA to go. I needed to see that 233 kmph again and I needed to see it twice a week atleast. A MBA had to be done, engineering alone won’t get me there faster. I need to get this thing soon, My dad wanted me to get married and go on an all India drive in the Cruze with my wife, he wanted Mom to be driven around in this, he wanted to go out with his friends in this. Heck I wanted this more than anything in life. 

Whenever I closed my eyes I could see the scene of the blurred vision and lines of the expressway going backward flashing in front of my eyes. Still gives me sleepless nights when I consciously think about it. The chill down the spine remains for days. There is a point in life when you want to stop racing with those Optra’s and Laura’s on the expressway. You want to grow up and Cannonball some BMW/Mercedes headlight with black diesel soot. This was a perfect tool to cause a holocaust on the highway. With this target set, all that tiredness of Engineering vanished and I was all set to leave Mumbai again and finish the MBA in a little less than a year.  

It seemed like an inspiration to get my butt out of bed in the sub zero temperature and go university, a perfect brainwave to get a distinction in MBA and that’s what kept me going and going through all these months of 1st sem and finally when the results were out all the ‘looking forward’ for the Cruze paid off. I got a Distinction. Got highest grades in 2 subjects in the class too. The thirst for getting the car was helping the scores.

Now 2nd sem, dissertation and some more distinctions will make the Cruze come as near as ever. August 2012 will be the month of coming back to Inda forever. 18 lakhs will just be a number, with the job I've got in India and brilliant grades, I am sure I can make that come and go in no time. Mom, Dad will finally feel their son has grown up. What more can anyone ask for ? This dream remains come hell or highwater. The Cruze is coming home soon. PERIOD 

Before I left my mom asked me, will you like the swift any less after we get the Cruze ? I asked her will I like you any less after I get married and have a wife ? She got the drift and I got the answer to the question which I never really asked myself. The Swift will always be special and the Cruze will just be a new addition to our family whom we’ll end up liking as much as we like the Swift, maybe even racing them together once in a while. The Swift won’t win but I ll be a treat to watch two of the most loved one's in our life ride together.  

Anna and me will end up recording a lot more racing video’s on the expressway, We ll end up doing photoshoots of the car every weekend like we did of the Swift during the 4 month vacation in India. So much to look forward to. Things can’t get more brilliant than this. Everything just seems like a perfect setup for a comeback. By then maybe I ll have someone whom i ll want to call and say 'Hey, Cruze, reclamation, you and me, what say ? 

Sapne woh nahi joh hume sote hue dikhe, sapne woh hai joh hume raat ko sone na de -  A P J Abdul Kalam

Monday, 20 June 2011

Burn Notice !

My Neighbour asked me to baby sit his daughter who is a 4 year old for a few hours till his wife and him went around with their weekly shopping. Not knowing how to keep her 

I decided to teach her my kind of ABCD as A for Apple and B for Ball seemed kinda seemed like A for Adam, O for Old, S for sucks and F for Flintstone.
Made up this chart to make sure she jazz when she's old 
and rolls with her mates.

A for Altis
B for Budweiser
C for Curtis Jackson 
D for Daimler
E for Etios
F for Ferrari
G for Grande Punto
H for Hyundai
I for Intercooler
J for Jagermeister       

K for Kingfisher
L for Laura
M for Metallica
N for Nissan
O for Otto Cycle
P for Porsche
Q for Quit the 800
R for Race your car
S for Swift and Suzuki
T for Turbo
U for Uno
V for Vauxhall
W for Window Shopper
X for Xylo
Y for Yamaha
Z for Zen

After I was done with this ultimate lesson of her life and managed to keep her occupied for a few hours before her parents turned up and I made her recite whatever she could remember out of her new education. Flabbergasted they came to a conclusion that I was not someone they would be trusting their daughter with and  prayed they could undo the damage I had done before she gets thrown out of school. 

I begged to differ. I reckoned she would make her teachers proud by being different. Anyway a Burn Notice was issued on my name and their daughter was instructed to play with my mom and come near me only if I had a bandage on my vocal cords. So much for preparing their babe to be a rock star of tomorrow. Sigh 
Dont you know the lengths I will go, to be understood by your dad - Brad Sucks

Sunday, 2 January 2011

Back Again !

Those days will come,

When the roads will open,

For my ride,

Times will change,

I ll run someday,

By my side.

Back again

I’ ll win,

Back again,

I ll grin,

Back again

I ll play,

Back again

I ll be my day.

The haters will scram,

The world would applaud,

Today may be a new divide,

One day I’ll be my war,

With bombs and bullets,

By my side.

Back again

I ll be someday,

Back again,

I ll have my way,

Back again,

I ll run the show,

Back again,

I ll grow,

Those days will come,

Sea’s will change

Today may not be my tide,

But I ll run someday,

By my side.

Back again

By my side !

Thanks for the inspiration, you know who you are :)

Saap jaisi kaali raatein...hai zeher si yeh zindagi..kaha chali 
gayi hai saali khushi ? - Dev D 

Tuesday, 13 April 2010

Mayhem To Mongolia !

Many Many years ago, when I was an unborn terror me dad had
this dream of driving down from India to London in a car.
AIN'T NO TYPO. INDIA TO LONDON, YEAH but he never could.
Priorities, wife, business, X, Y, Zee and than me. Now at 55,
he can only dream of this havoc, but sharing the same genes,
had a similar bright idea since was 5.

A cross country trip between continents, countries, around half
the world in a car. Landing in UK for engineering slowly made
all the pieces of the puzzle come together. This is destiny’s way
of making sure that I don’t grow old to regret. Mongol Rally
came into my life, it made sure that I had something to look
forward to other than books and a shitty job. Started planning,
day dreaming, e-mailing people, getting into the technicalities
and finally finding someone who was as suicidal to participate
together as a team mate..

IMAGINE passing through 15 to 17 countries, Imagine driving through
Kyrgyzstan, Russia, Kazakhstan, Ukraine, Uzbekistan etc to name a
few, some of these have no resemblance of a civilisation, some have
no roads, barren deserts, some plagued with civil war and most which
have terrorism as a way of life .

Freezing in Ukraine, sipping vodka with the Russian's, downing
cognac with the Kazak's, inhaling chillam's with the Uzbek's
and finally beer with the Mongol's.
My Life be Like Ooo Aaah !!!

YOU KNOW the distance of the rally is greater than what the
miles between UK to India is. 16 thousand kilometres of pure
crouching kitten, hidden hippo kinda adventure \m/

Doing this might be a one way ticket to hell, maybe break hands,
legs, get shot at, but maybe's in life are always more of a positive
than a dud. To make it even more difficult the rules of the rally
state that you have to participate in a small Maruti Zen or Santro
type small ‘hatch back’ or anything which is less than 1200 cc,
which in short means 'tighten the nada of your pyjamas' as this
aint going to be easy in wheels which are totally todally unsuitable
for the grim task ahead, but anyway life without excitement is a
waste of oxygen!!!

London To Mongolia, We'r on, Like Donkey Kong. Screw the peril.
Paid 200 pounds as a deposit to register for the rally. A secret
parents don’t know and won’t know till the D day is near my nose.
July 2011. Time to go still, a car to buy.

Told dad about the rally just as a passing conversation over the
phone and his instant reaction.
‘ Aava sapna pan nai joto’ :P

My man does not know that am already on it, making ends meet to
be among the group of people who are as inclined to test life as i've
always been. Sorry Dad, I don’t take 'NO' for an answer :P

There is something called as 'the edge'. A picture with the car and
me standing next to a board which reads ‘Ulanbaatar, Mongolia’ is
a fantasy going to be conquered by hook or crook. By crook would
be to just photoshop one, but that’s one sad idea sirji!

Just living my life..hey a hey a hey life my life..just living
my life - Rihaana

Sunday, 31 January 2010

Drag Me To Hell !!

YOU KNOW, I love the history of religion and the idea of 'Hell' got
me mind thinking!

I bet its one big party, with Kegs, Beer, Paneer Tikka, Gudam
Garam, Heavy metal and the likes and I bet Satan is a really
nice guy.

Think about it.

You Sin against "God" and denounce 'Jesus' 'Allah', 'Shankar',
'Ehsaan' 'Loy', 'Hanuman' and the types, also you do these
terrible things like raid, pillage, plunder, murder, rape and pilfer
your guts out and so you are sent to Hell !

WHY WOULD SATAN PUNISH you for doing the same
thing he’s tryin to do himself ??

He HATES God, he's at total war with that guy !!
If you end up in hell obviously have done something bad.
Satan will greet you with some beer and say "Man, you are
so cool, helping me out and shit, here's a Heineken, Cheers!"

Hell is one cool place, with pool tables, Spa's, Sauna's and also
Bars that you don't get kicked out from along with all the hot
bitches you can ever think about.
But but you cant be sent to hell until you have decimated your
life. Do deeds now, pay later kinda credit card system. * Sigh *

Where as in Heaven, you can't swear, cant have wicked thoughts,

no sex, you can't do SHIT without pissing off God and rest of the
Holy Moly’s!!
Where as in hell you don't get tired, Ciggis never run
out movies always release when you want them to, porn at free will,
you never sleep too but you can with the females if you want to
which is an awesome thing. :P

Operator: Press # key to buy weed *Vive la Afghanistan* \m/

Good thing I denounced religion, therefore I have sinned and
cast myself into eternal party mode! * Pat me on that *

Dont stop taking drugs cuz they,
Got you flying, forgetting yesterday,
Maybe its crazy, keep getting stoned while you can,
Oh Baby in the lords hands,
You can be whatever you want when your high,
Walk slowly with a spirit by your side, Oh baby,
Dont fear if you lose your mind,
Say how u doing', boy i am feeling fine,
...When something carries me away..hey hey hey hey...

*Tears Of Happiness*

*Hysteria, Headbanging, Bottoms Up*

If God ‘DID’ exist, we would go to Heaven coz we are evil,
so that he can punish us himself and not go ahead and put
us with a party king who would recruit such dope heads
for his own brigade of destruction.

Better to
reign in
Hell than
serve in
Why walk on the stairway to Mr Rule Book when you can drive
down the highway to the Dark Knight ?I implore you to JOIN US!
Leave behind the confines of your manufactured religions that
blind you and deny you the malted truth. Crack open a beer,
down it, crack open another, down that one too ! Drink to
your heart's content. Let the alcohol rid you of all worries
and lead you down new paths of enlightenment.
Satan does it, so should you AND should you over do it,
have faith, Satan shall be too drunk to know who messed
his yard up..DOH!

Butt in and lets have a TIME OF A DEAD TIME !!

Ps: Posers, Wankers, Delusional Retards, Druggies, Gangsta Niggas's
will be given first preference based on experience.
Anyhoo seeya at the do..

- All Mighty Recruiters \m/ ( No Branches )

Next time someone disses you to "GO TO HELL", jump out
of joy and get ready to let the dogs out!
Bhooo bhooo !!

And if you are worried that by commenting on these 'con'cepts
of Mr Supreme’s jurisdictions you might just offend him,
then well...tough shit, he gets offended, What can you do ?

PS: This mockery wont stop yours truely from staring above
with a puppy look and asking Captain Planet to pass him in
Solid Mechanics or maybe Advance Vehicle Systems..;)
Maybe the invigilator and my man work like a crew,
though very unlikely but hey life is all about taking
and giving chances eh ;)

Cheers and ‘God Speed’

I ll give you black sensations up and down your spine, If you're evil you're a
friend of mine - AC / DC

Tuesday, 28 July 2009

Paging Dr.Faggot !

A: From tomorrow u ll be plagued with ‘marriage is suffocating
my brains’ syndrome
B: Yes, my I.Q. is going to be on ‘haaji, as you say madamji’ mode.

I don’t get guys, 99% of them are so scared of the word marriage
that whenever mentioned they run in the opposite direction like
their tail’s on fire.

A girlfriend asking for commitment always gets a
‘saali ki maa ki aakh’ kind of reaction and sometimes
its vice versa too!:P..

Being a bachelor is a freedom in itself, a licence to kill
and not have to answer anyone except maybe your
mom on ‘whats that mark on your neck? :P

Why do guys say ‘ girlfriend and wives are 2 different things
and 2 different people’ For a girlfriend they ll want a oh so
hot, oh so sexy and oh so desperate female And for a wife a
‘yeah ok, can she cook' kinda question mark.
Mowgli Junglee in modern avatars guys these days!

Imagine waiting to get out of your work place to be with
your wife and haaji u really look forward to this moment,
Going to bandstand and cheering onto beer together
(She can be the designated drunk driver) , Driving down
to Ladakh, Leh just because she thinks trains and planes
are not adventurous enough, Going to pubs and headbanging
together, You know you look your absolute worst today but
still she says' whats up sexy' :P Plans of naming our kids
dashboard29, mudslinger, Revmaster, hotwheels bla bla :P,
Gets along with my mom/dad like they were her own, even
doing the dishes together would be fun.

Perfect Cpu and monitor ki jodi, someone who does not
care about makeup while gettin wet in the rain, someone
who does not behave like 'i want attention' lala land female,
someone who would love sitting in a maruti 800 as much as
a merc with the idea being the 'company' and 'not the car',
cute and sweet in her own ways..
and YES
GOD don’t run no bingo if u hook up with someone who is out
there just for your money and looks, in that case neglect most
of the above and find a drunkard friend to sulk with all your
life. You will never hear or feel what a real marriage is.

A vicious cycle wherein demand and supply of retards and
materialistic weasels are in complete tandem. India is planning
a national id card system for its every citizen, I suggest there
should be a criteria where in a persons nature be mentioned too.

For example: Nature: Player, pimp, will date anyone, desperate,
5 faced, fickle, bi- curious, will fuck a dog if needed bla bla bla bla !
We should welcome the calendar to the 21st century and its
inhabitants to the 25th century.
Spared the rod, spoiled the child!

As for me, I cannot be the only retard who thinks life can
be a fairytale too. Someday, someone will say “haila tu bhi’..
*MUSIC* Ta Taara ra Taara Neal N Nikki :P
Who let the dogs out...who who who who who ? - Baha Men